Misdiagnosed and then BAM!

Shortly after I had my second son, I developed thyroid problems which was quickly diagnosed as Hypothyroidism. I had a few complications with the medication, but nothing to write home about. Over the years, they adjusted my hormone dose a few times and that was that. 

Over the past few years, my symptoms of classic Hypothyroidism became more and more intense. I began to suspect that something was amiss. I questioned my family doctor and even laid out my concerns to the Internal Medicine Specialist just to get a pat on the head and told that it was "okay."  That these were just side effects of the other medications that I have to take. 

As time went on and the symptoms became too much to bear, especially the chronic fatigue and joint aches, I knew that something was definitely not right. 

I asked for a referral to an Endocrinologist. I was basically told that I was being ridiculous and that they were backlogged. But at my insistence, they would forward my records on and see if my case was worth seeing me for. 

I finally received a call and made my appointment. You cannot imagine my relief when I was assigned a P.A. who was so thorough and truly interested in my health history. She even helped me connect the dots.  

She ran some extensive blood work and sent me home with some instructions for some more labs over the weekend. 

I left her office with a certainty that I had been misdiagnosed and that my HT was actually Hashimoto's disease. I am a walking textbook of symptoms for the condition. 

When my phone rang on Monday, I fully expected the confirmation of the HD diagnosis. What I didn't expect to follow was the, "Oh, and btw, you're pre-diabetic. Borderline. You need to be on medication."  

It completely blew my mind and 36 hours later, I still haven't wrapped my head around it. 

So, I'm living without gluten and now without my daily Carmel latte that I have had every single day since I was 14. I definitely don't feel well.  Finding anything suitable to eat is a challenge. 

I know that this is going to get worse before it gets better. 

I'm trying to remember to count my blessings, but my heart is heavy and I feel completely overwhelmed. I really need some prayers and guidance. 

Strength.

I know that many of you see me as a strong woman, but in that strength are moments of weakness and often a lot of tears. Tonight happens to be one of those nights. 

A night where I am reminded of past wrongdoings, both of my own accord and things that I had no control over. 

I will dry my tears and gather my wits about me and find that strength that lies within. For that is what I do. 

The letter 'c'...

Today's exercise is the letter 'c.'  I can't narrow it down to one term. Compassion, challenges, caring, consideration, calm. There's just too many to consider. I think these give me some to dwell on. I guess they can't all come with simple explanations. 

The 'B' word...

In my personal exercises of conquering a letter every day, I find today extremely difficult. Today is the letter 'b'.  For this woman, the 'b' word in my life is 'Bipolar.'

Bipolar to me is like a carnival ride that I can't get off of or the spikes on a heart rate monitor. The highs and lows are atrocious. 

Unlike an alcoholic or a drug addict who might be in recovery or be sober, there is no word to validate my state of mind. I use the word 'stable.'  Stable to me signifies that I've managed to live a relatively normal life and I haven't been hospitalized. My stability has lasted since April of 2011. I take it one day at a time and pray that today will be another day to add to that timespan. 

I struggle with the bouts of mania and depression. You never know from day to day or week to week, which one is going to try and take control. It's up to me not to let it. 

I control my symptoms with a strict regimen of drugs, that I take like clockwork. I often worry about the long term effects, but I know the alternative to not taking them. 

I have a responsibility to the people around me to be accountable and to keep myself as healthy as possible, even if I often feel like I am a walking pharmacy. 

The side effects from some of the prescriptions are brutal and often make you consider to throw in the towel, but I'm too stubborn. 

I live in a state that is one of the lowest in the nation for mental health assistance for it's residents. I find that deplorable. 

I surround myself with people who are in my life for the right reasons. My beautiful family who attempts to understand when mom is having a tough time. I go to the same therapist that I've had for over four years and who by now, knows me well. 

If you are reading this and are in need of help, please comment or message and we will send you the appropriate numbers and information. You are not alone!

Now, off to find tomorrow's 'C' word...